Letter to the ex~

So its officially a wrap after all the havoc you caused me, led to so many traumas. I haven't deleted the conversation on WhatsApp yet coz maybe there is still a hope that just like old times we might be able to wrap around and sort our problems. It's a shame that you couldn't understand my anger, pain behind all the reactions for the actions that you caused me. They say that times heals everything maybe it does, maybe it doesn't who knows. God is watching and I believe strongly in karma. I was actually going to message you the other day but then I saw your story on Instagram and realized that it's of no use cause despite all the promises and all the torture that you caused you have moved on in life and there is no point for me to get back in your life. I am just sort of waiting for the cloLabels
sure so that I can also move on in my life. I don't really believe that I can because I am so much used to of toxicity that you have instilled in my life. I am sure you have found someone just like old times. You are an attention seeker and giver as well so you might have met someone.
I am just scared of filling the void with someone else.  I believe in the law of attraction and maybe someone who is approaching me is worth as well who knows but for now I am scared of getting my heart broken again when its already shattered.
Yes you messaged me after the argument but we would have just continued the vicious cycle for I don't know how long. You clearly said that day that you were using me and never really wanted to marry me. It was a matter of self-pride. The world doesn't stop on someone. It continues. I am sure there is someone in this world who deserves and would value me but its a pity I invested so much in you mentally, emotionally and physically that now I have nothing to give to someone else for a while. 

Qurban

Teri Aarzu ka mita na jaan tujh pay jaan luta sakay
Khamoshiyon ki zuban samajh
Mera haal kya main bayan karoun

Another night another thought

Dear Blog,
I don't understand why women are called abuses when really there are the guys who are at fault, lack training, etiquettes, give in to their hormones. So why is the women are called bad words. There are guys who seek them as entertainment. I see my self questioning on the morals and ethics that are put to us as a reason for fighting. I wish that I should not have known to be able to recover. It's the truth that hurts. As the night passes on i see myself yearning through the same. It's another night, another story, another thought, emptiness, chest pain but beshak Allah sabar karnay walon k saath hai. 

Thank you

So  it's that time of the year. While i was going through all the lists of things you can do when you are bored or trying to forget somebody. I stumbled across this idea that I could email you thanking you of all the stuff you did for, what I learnt from and all those things we did. While I am doing this I am listening to all-time favourite song 'maana k hum yaar nahi.' The storm outside with the rain droplets that are pouring in the back drop of the song brings this amazing feeling. If you ever read this means that we are officially done. I want you to listen to the song by Ayushman Khurrana.'Sath hou tumharay tum dur saay hi muskana'. :) Listening to the song brings quite a bit of memories though you know how terrible I am at remembering stuff.
Well thank you for coming into my life and making it a terrible yet wonderful place. I remember you used to write the notes, good-morning, good-night made me feel beautiful, wrote quotes and stuff. This went on for one and half year. The word was all roses and teenage romances. Well one thing I never really liked was the way you criticised on everything that i used. (DONT WORRY THIS PROJECT WILL TAKE ME SOME TIME AND I CAN rant as much as I want. Would only write some good stuff about you if this has to act as closure of us.)

4-May

Hi. How are you my cheating friend. I am mostly at peace but I am not happy today either honestly. But i am on a journey of becoming self-sufficient and healing and that's good. Its going to be okay one day i hope till then just breathe is the option here. I'll make sure that this posts reaches to him as well when we get to meet or not. I am waiting for the 28th June anxiously. Some hisab kitaab are pending now. One month is almost done.

4 pm;
As i sit in the office it becomes more and more difficult to survive. I just met my friends and still there's this ache, visited outside his office.I just hope that time gets passed and this becomes easier. Hopefully it would. Allah jee please maaf karde and sukoon day dey. Never have seen such difficult times.

Dear Blog,
I somehow feel it as a blessing and a moment of peace where the weight is lifted from my head and heart. I want to cherish this fully and enjoy. I love the moment.
Week 2:
Not responding to my texts, calls and emails. I want to have some patience but this is rip-off seriously. I should have been bothered and all but he is the one acting rude and I am definitely not liking it.

The reason of hurting

Maybe the reason that I have been hurting so much is that I am losing my BFF. And i am really  sensitive and emotional when it comes to that.There is nothing more painful then losing someone you thought would stick around your thick and thin. Maybe one by one this is the end. Maybe this is how i am gonna pick up and strengthen my self Who knows whats gonna happen. Only time would tell.